You say goodbye, I say Namaste

I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad. - George Bernard Shaw. Even though I want to say that I fully agree, I feel conflicted. I also feel like it's impossible not to have some aspects of home (when you call home America) when you are in a major city anywhere in the world. There are aspects of home that I like when I am abroad. I like climate control, especially when it's 114 degrees outside. The Louis Vuitton and Bugalri boutiques in the hotel lobby is a bit strange yet bring a sense of security (not in case I need emergency luxury retail). What feels even stranger is that the cost of two meals and a massage here is equal to half of India's per capita income. This is the first time I am in this country and have been here for about 24 hours now, but I haven't left the confines of this hotel with its LV and Bulgari lobby. Thus, aside from seeing more Indians around me, it doesn't feel like I am in India at all. Despite the advice of one of the staff members, saying he wouldn't recommend going outside (you mean during the evening? yes I wasn't planning on doing that. oh, you mean during the day time...) because of the heat, I'm going to venture out tomorrow. I feel quite nervous about leaving the hotel actually. First, I don't want to find something temptingly good to eat and then potentially get food poisoning. I don't want to get lost, swindled or harassed. I don't want to get heat stroke. I don't want to get bitten by a mosquito and then get chikungunya fever, dengue fever or malaria. I don't want someone to mug me for my diabetes bracelet but I don't want to take it off either. What kind of traveler have I turned in to? What kind of young adult have I become? I feel like I am filling up with fear and I'm not sure why. Is it because I'm getting older? Because I have more to lose? Because I have diabetes?

There are growing instances where I am fearful. This past memorial day going surfing for the first time in two years, I was afraid of the ocean. I kept thinking...What was I thinking? Today swimming in the pool, I saw a distorted reflection of what was probably just a grate underwater, but I freaked myself out thinking it was some scary man holding his breath or even worse, a shark or something...in a pool...of a hotel with louis and bulgari in the lobby. There were also these yellow bees flying around by the poolside looking super fierce because they uniformly yellow instead striped, and because they were bees. In my attempt to be non-confrontational, I jumped out of the pool and ran for my towel, almost slipping on the slick stone ground.

I accept in life there are precautions I have to take and things I should rightfully be afraid of, with or without diabetes. But because I am now with, there are even more things I have to consider. But no risk no reward. So tomorrow I am going to risk leaving the compound of this hotel and hopefully be rewarded with incredible architecture and culture. That is, if I can just fall asleep to wake up early enough.