Logging in to my blog tonight, a few things caught my eye. The white stuff in the corner of Lucy's mouth is indeed her mother's milk and not puppy spit as I initially thought. In my blogger profile, it says I was diagnosed with type-1 diabetes as a 23 yr old. Now I am 24 and have been consciously diabetic for a little over half a year. In my header, it's true that I am still a twenty-something, but when am I no longer new to diabetes?
There are moments when I feel like I've been living this life for years rather than months. Yet when I read something about diabetes or hear it described as a "chronic illness" or a "metabolic disorder", it all of a sudden seems very surreal and unfamiliar once again. How did this happen? How can this be? All these questions sprout up again like weeds and I'm constantly pulling them out, but they keep growing back in new places. By definition, if I have diabetes then I can never really be healthy. I don't know if I can ever fully accept that.
3 comments:
I was appalled at age 12 or so, when my endocrinologist told me he'd consider my health "good," rather than "excellent," because of the type 1.
More than 20 years later, I tell people that despite the diabetes and an odd cancer scare a few years back, I'm super healthy.
And it's true--my A1cs are great, my diabetes is well-controlled, and despite minimal complications, I eat healthier and (when not pregnant) exercise regularly. It's likely I'm healthier than the general population is at my age.
Don't let the terms "chronic illness" or "lifelong" throw you. You can be super healthy with diabetes, or even in spite of diabetes. In some ways, it's more about attitude (I always refer to the D as a "condition," rather than an "illness." And frankly, as we all get older, diabetes or no, people are going to start noticing they ache more, or their cholesterol is high, or something. Everyone eventually has something, usually health related, that affects them somehow.
I guess I have been a diabetic for a longer period of time now than I was a non-diabetic, so I don’t think about this stuff much. I think about it more for my daughter, and there are times where her diabetes feels like it can choke me. In that respect I can understand how you feel where it all seems new all of the sudden. Diabetes for my daughter (and for me because of her) is new still, and it sucks. But I doubt it will ever stop sucking.
I stopped calling myself a new diabetic after about two months.
Trying to avoid stigma does internalize the negativity.
Having a body that isn't what I'd like it to be is not a reflection on my character and I try to live that conviction.
Post a Comment